Subculture: Movie Ruiners

Hi, I am your average movie goer!

"Hi, Average Movie Goer..."

I would say I attend movies relatively frequently, and I have found more and more that there is a growing group of people, that would probably have nothing in common if it weren't for the inherent glue that I call "movie-ruining prowess." They could be anyone, anywhere, and they are ruthless. I have always been fascinated by this facet of society, as I could probably see several of them walking down the road and I wouldn't recognize them if they screamed in my face. Except that I might, because someone who screams in someone's face for no reason must have some prowess at, you guessed it, ruining movies.

The Movie Ruiners go by very few rules, but it seems they do not need more than a few, as it only takes a small amount of irritation to succeed in their apparent mission. The rules are as follows:

1. Sit directly behind me. (not a few rows back, not in front...DIRECTLY BEHIND)
   
2. Say or do something dumb to mess up the experience.
   
3. Say/do it more than once, so that my experience is completely messed up.
   
4. Repeat
   

In the last few months I can remember clearly a few movies experiences that were successfully ruined by one or more citizens of this, shall we say, nation of individuals. The first was when I went to see Iron Man for the first time. The second, during The Dark Knight. The third was just tonight when I saw Gran Torino. For a final bonus, when my boyfriend went to see Wanted, he ran into a fantastic family experience.

I think that the Movie Ruiners are an unnecessary facet of society, and therefore I propose a few rules that might cancel out a certain amount of them.

1. DO NOT point a lazer pointer at Robert Downey Jr.'s face. You will get comments like this: "Somebody find this guy so I can stick my dick in him!" (Iron Man)
   
2. DO NOT whine loudly about "that b****" while Heath Ledger is making his fancy entrance as the Joker. There will be death. (The Dark Knight)
   
3. DO NOT talk about how bad you think the acting is at the climax of a movie, lest you ruin other people's willful suspension of disbelief. ("I know there must be SOME good Asian actors...") (Gran Torino)
   
4. DO NOT BRING YOUR BABY! Babies don't get it. They cry. People don't like your baby. This is demonstrated by the following quote, "Get that f***ing baby out of here!!"
   

RDJ hates you So does Batman

Clint is not amused

Did you really pay $10.25 to come to the movies and bother people? Last I checked, you can bother people for free on the streets, and you will probably get the same reaction.